I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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