you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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