I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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