The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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