I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
