I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
