I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish you could order shots online.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
