No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
