I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
