Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
