there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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