but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
