So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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