I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
