Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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