Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
