dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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