So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
