awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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