Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
