Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
