I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
