So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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