Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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