i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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