Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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