i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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