i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
