Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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