NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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