These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
