So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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