apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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