wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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