Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
