found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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