Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
