2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
