I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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