Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
