i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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