i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
