i don't like sucking hair
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
