you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
