I think my fart just growled at me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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