Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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