Fuck appropriateness.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
