Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
