does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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