It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
