I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
