Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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