The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
