thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
