Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
